So Much to Learn

There are a few things every new army wife should learn when her husband joins the army.  I wished when my husband joined that they would have had army wives 101.  Lets start with this be careful who you listen to and what you take as fact.  When my husband joined the army he joined as a reservist but then they told us that he stood a higher chance of being deployed as a reservist than he would as active duty so he signed up for active duty.  Within a week we were assigned to Fort Carson.  We were so happy it had always been my dream to live in Colorado.  During his 10 day in-processing they gave him his assignment and what do you know he was sent to the unit deploying.  Less than 4 months later he deployed for the first time.  Lesson there don't believe everything they tell you. 

The next thing and in my opinion the most important thing is to learn what you can.  When my husband left for basic training so many people told me to beware that he would come home a completely different man.  That worried me since I had been with him for 12 years.  I didn't want him to change and honestly I worried that if he did he wouldn't want me anymore.  However, when he came home he was the same man though a bit more verbal than when he left but he was back.  That was all that mattered.  When he got his orders to deploy people started telling me all over again how going to war changes them and how the best thing I could do was take classes on what to expect when he arrived home.  Now to that I do agree.  I took a few classes on deployment and I read books about how to be a good army wife but I didn't pay close enough attention.  I assumed that I knew more than those that have been through it dozens of times.  I thought to myself that they all said the same thing about basic and he didn't change so they were wrong about deployment.  Nothing would happen he would come home the same as when he left.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  Among being told that he would change I was told that when they deploy the best thing you can do for them is to keep upbeat, don't give them bad news the last thing they need is to hear how bad things are for us considering how bad they are for them there.  I told my husband the advice I had been given and he told me not to even try to withhold information from him.  I should have listened to the advice of the people around me.  When my husband was in Afghanistan like he asked I would tell him everything it was so frustrating the responses I would get.  He would ask me to tell him what was going on, I would tell him then he would get angry and ask me what I expected him to do about it.  Then other days I would lie to him and tell him nothing was going on and he would get angry with me for not telling him.  It seemed that I could never win.  The stress got to be too much for him and two months before he was due home he finally cracked.  He ended up in the hospital over there with a minor heart attack.  From that day on he was never the same.  Which led to him coming home a completely different person.  I have spoken with some of his battle buddies and they all say the same thing the night he ended up in the hospital he changed the old man I knew was gone and in his place was this new guy who couldn't find happiness.  If I had listened to those around me and not put so much on him it wouldn't have happened.  The lesson in this is no matter how strong they say they are and how much they tell you they want to know what is going on at home don't tell them.  Adding to their stress over there is either going to make them frustrated or it could end up costing them their lives.  They need 100% focus over there anything less is deadly. 

I know a large part of my husband being diagnosed with PTSD is my fault I put way too much on him and it broke him.  If I could go back and take all the advice I had been given things would be different right now.  I know most of you reading this have already been through deployments and have dealt with the aftermath but if your reading this and your about to face your first deployment please take the advice you have been given and do everything in your power to make this time as easy for him as possible.