Anger Issues

As every woman knows in a marriage there is going to be moments of anger.  Some are easier to deal with then others.  When I first decided to marry my husband we went through marriage counseling we covered all topics including anger.  During that session we discussed our anger levels and what it took to get to the highest level.  He used to have so many levels before he got to his "blow the gasket level".  All that changed when he came home from Afghanistan.  During the time that he was thinking about calling it quits we went to a military sponsored couples retreat.  One of our subjects was anger management and communication.  They had us do the same thing as our pre-marriage counseling session.  I was shocked to see how much he had changed his new scale went from mildly upset to blow his gasket.  All the in between levels were gone.

After his return home the simplest things set him off.  Take dinner last night for example.  Like all mothers do I serve my children first in order to get them settled and to make sure that they are taken care of.  Well anyway I was getting frustrated because even after giving them their food they kept getting in our way.  It was hot and I was getting annoyed well my husband was also trying to get his dinner and assumed that I was angry at him so without reason he freaked out at me and called me a B***h.  Something I have become used to since his return.  Now before our marriage counseling I would have freaked out and starting yelling at him only making the situation worse but I have been trying to change my reactions so I simply told him that his behavior was uncalled for and rude.  He had no right to speak to me that way and he owed me an apology.  With that I walked away.  Since his return most days are like last night.  He can be completely fine but if I so much as look upset it sets him off and for the next couple of hours the living situation is hostile.

Every wife knows that day to day life can be difficult and no matter how hard we try we get angry from time to time.  Since his return home and his anger change those moments caused undue stress.  If I am in a bad mood he feeds off of it and for no reason at all freaks out.

Among his quick anger is his never ending need to be right all the time.  Now I know most men have the inability to admit they are wrong but he has gotten worse.  I can say something and he will hear something else entirely and next thing you know we are fighting.  It always starts with him telling me that I said something that I didn't say and no matter what I say he won't concede that maybe just maybe he could be wrong.

My point in telling you all of this is that with PTSD controlling their anger is almost impossible for them to do.  There are so many personality changes that a soldier with PTSD goes through and as hard as it is for us to deal with it is so much harder on them.  We can sit and wish they would stop acting like jerks and the whole time they are wishing they could be normal again.  As hard as it is to be ridiculed and treated like I don't matter I know deep down he doesn't mean it he can't help how he feels.  I see him struggle to keep calm and be happy.  I've watched him try to joke when he is miserable.  So from time to time he hurts my feelings I'll get over it but he will never get over his PTSD.