When you live with someone who suffers from PTSD everyday is an adventure though sometimes not a good one. I love my husband dearly but it seems as though I am always on alert doing what I can to make sure that I don't agitate him or set him off. One thing you learn when your spouse suffers from PTSD is to judge the moods moment by moment and day by day. In the blink of an eye he could go from happy to sad to hostile or depressed. At first it seems like a lot of work but when it is someone you love it just becomes a part of daily life.
There are several new behaviors that a person with PTSD develops. They are not the same for everyone and some may have more than the other. My husband used to be a peaceful sleeper he would curl up in one position and sleep that way the whole night now he is a violent sleeper. I have had a few bloody noses because of his flailing at night and several unexplained bruises. He used to be calm, mild mannered, loving, gentle yet firm, he used to be able to relax and lose himself in the quiet. Now he is always on alert as if he were still at war, easily angered, yells a lot, and seems to never fully relax. Tonight is a great example of what I mean.
When my husband came home from work tonight he was very sore he had pulled a muscle at work. So I gave him some meds to help relieve the pain and told him to lie down on the couch and rest. Now you should know this man doesn't believe in medication so he rarely takes any. Now for a person who doesn't take medication it hits them harder than those who take if frequently. He got very tired and fell asleep on the couch. The kids and I just let him sleep in hopes that he would feel better. Well after several hours of him resting I called for our son to tell him it was bed time. All of a sudden without warning my husband jumps off the couch eyes bugged out and takes the fight stance. Our daughter was lying on the floor watching a movie when this happened. She started to panic and moved away afraid that he was going to harm her (he has never hurt them and I do not believe he ever will). I called his name a few times which usually gets him to wake up and get his bearings but tonight it didn't work he continued to stand alert ready to strike while spinning around to make sure the enemy couldn't get him from behind. I finally got a harsh voice and like you would to a dog I told him "sit". I had no choice but to use a harsh tone to get his attention. At this point I saw our son scared afraid to enter the living room and our daughter curled up on the floor tears in her eyes. I then told my husband to get up and go to our room. I ushered him out of the living room into our room and told him to go to bed.
I usually don't react that way to him or raise my voice as it tends to make things worse but when our children became frightened by him I had no choice but to get the situation under control immediately he will be okay but the kids they remember things like this. It was important for me help them understand and calm them down. I had the children sit down on the couch and I explained to them that sometimes daddy forgets that he is no longer in the war zone and that he won't hurt them he just gets protective and he thought we were being attacked.
Moments like these are frequent when your spouse has PTSD. I will be honest and say it takes time to learn what to do, what not to do, and how to calm them down. I am still learning. It seems every time I think I have it down something new happens and I realize that everyday is different and what may have worked one day may not work the next. As a spouse the best thing we can do is remain calm and remember they can't help it. They aren't doing these things to annoy us so we can not take it personally. I hold on to one thought. It will get better!!!
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