Not All Bad

In the last few posts I have written about the various behaviors that can make a marriage difficult and while they are important I want to touch on the lighter side of things.  As I mentioned before there are a lot of different behaviors that a soldier with PTSD can exhibit one of the less frustrating is the paranoia.  Don't get me wrong paranoia can cause problems for them but there are times where it can also be funny.  Before you think I am mean or lacking respect let me explain what I mean.

Not all days are bad days believe it or not my husband has days where he laughs and things seem almost normal.  It's during those times that the paranoia is funny.  Last night my husband went to bed before I did so I said good night made sure he was happy then went to the living room with our puppy to watch my movie.  After the movie ended at about 2am I also went to bed.  Well before I could get into bed I had to make sure the puppy was in the house.  He likes to sleep under the bed that is when he isn't outside.  Anyway I had to make sure he was under the bed so I didn't lock him out.  For some strange reason at that moment my husband pseudo woke up and asked me what was going on.  For those of you that don't know my husband can carry on an intelligent conversation while completely asleep.  I told him nothing was going on to just chill and go back to sleep.  That is where the paranoia kicked in because for the next 20 minutes he went on about how I was plotting on him and how I stuck a Hex under our bed to curse him.  You should know he was watching a charmed marathon a few hours before he went to bed.  Anyway no matter what I did or how I tried to calm him he insisted that I was in fact plotting to destroy him.  After a bit of whining and calling me an evil witch he finally fell asleep.  I felt bad for him that he really thought like that but at the same time I couldn't help but laugh at this silly idea he had in his head.

This morning I asked him if he remembered last night to which he gave a sad reply.  He told me that while he said to me he thought I placed a hex there in his mind he truly thought I had placed an IED under his bed.  He told me that in his mind he couldn't shake that I had placed an IED there to destroy him.  After hearing that it makes the night before less funny and actually sad.  That is until I told him everything he had said to me and the reaction he gave me.  Once I told him what actually happened he laughed too knowing that I wasn't laughing at him but with him.

You see not all days are bad.  While there are moments throughout the day that remind us the PTSD is still there, there are also moments that we can laugh and realize that its not all bad.  For brief moments we see our old spouse shine through and its in those little moments that we remember what we are here for.