Depression

One of the hardest things a soldier with PTSD has to do is to admit he is suffering.  For my husband admitting weakness has always been hard more like virtually impossible for him.  Men have a hard time being vulnerable and when they suffer from PTSD it makes it even harder for them because they feel they are seen as weak and pathetic.  That is why so many of them refuse to get help. 

For the past two weeks my husband has been trying to recover from a MVA which took its toll on his body.  He has been miserable to say the least.  But the hardest part of his recovery is the battle over depression.  For the last week he has been getting increasingly depressed, crabby, easily angered, and easily annoyed.

Today he told me he has been having what he calls dark dreams and he finds himself depressed and moody.  For a man with PTSD those can be scary symptoms.  I know my husband and PTSD or not he isn't violent though you can never count it out that someday they could be.  The point of this post is to talk about how easy it is for a soldier with PTSD to get depressed.

Back in the beginning of the blog I gave a detailed listing of symptoms and depression is one of them.  Every human is capable of being depressed and some will battle it their whole life.  I have met a few soldiers with PTSD and found that they have at some point shortly after being diagnosed with PTSD had depression.  The ones I know do a fairly good job of handling the depression and finding ways to battle it without having to give in to it.   For the most part they are happy as they can be but they have all told me that it is far too easy for the them to get depressed.  They have also told me that they stay busy to avoid depression so what happens when one gets laid up and they can't live their life like normal?  We as humans like to be on the move, we jump head first into projects to avoid living an empty life and when we start to feel down most of us search for things to do.  Most of us end up feeling depressed when we get laid up.  I know that when I am hurt and unable to do anything I get depressed easily and quite moody.  Imagine how you are when you are sick or injured and you can't do the things you like to do.  How do you react?  Do you get depressed?  Now try to imagine how a soldier with PTSD feels.  These men spend their time doing everything they can to "make the PTSD go away", they jump into work, projects, and hobbies.  So imagine the reaction when they get hurt and are forced to spend long periods of time laid up, with nothing else to do but think.  That can be dangerous for them. 

This last week or so I have been trying to find things to take his mind off of his being laid up.  What works the most for him is watching TV shows he's never seen before.  I have learned the best thing you can do is not make it a psychology session.  That means don't start asking them a bunch of questions.  Back when I took classes about PTSD the instructor told us never ask them to talk, let them come to you and practice silence.  If anything I say in these posts is helpful let it be that.  Forcing them to talk or constantly questioning them makes things worse for them.  The best thing you can do is just be a shoulder let them come to you.  It is the hardest thing to do especially since we are by nature curious but I learned right away to wait for him to talk.  As time goes by he tells me more and more.  Now he is to the point where he tells me how he is feeling.  Six months ago he would never have done that.  For the first four months after he came home he wouldn't even talk about his time in Afghanistan now he is starting to tell me his stories. 

Depression is a part of life and most of us can make it through life without losing the battle; those with PTSD aren't so lucky.  The last thing any of us should do is play psychologist to our soldier.  They are going to have good days but unfortunately they will also have bad days just remember the best thing you can do is be there for them, quietly!  Sit by their side, be their friend, hold their hand whatever they need but let them talk when they are ready.  No matter how hard it is remember don't ask questions they will come to you when they feel they can trust you.  

Finally the most important part if you feel that they are not responding to you and they are getting worse DON'T be afraid to get them some help.  So many incidents can be avoided if those closest to the soldier pay attention to the warning signs.