No Rest for the Weary

It has been several weeks now since my husband's accident and things are not getting better.  I spoke previously about my husband's inability to sleep and how it has affected his PTSD.  So I titled this post "No Rest for the Weary." 

Upon my husband's return from Afghanistan he couldn't no matter how hard he tried get decent sleep.  Prior to the army and his deployment my husband would sleep 6 hours during the weekdays and on the weekends crash for 10-12 hours.  I used to get annoyed that he always slept the weekends away.  He was a deep sleeper on top of that.  I used to get frustrated because I would wake him up to ask him something get his answer then a few hours after he got up he would get mad at me for doing something without asking him.  He could carry on full conversations in his sleep and when he woke up he would be rested.  Now we are lucky if he gets 2 hours of sleep at night and 3 on the weekends.  His doctor prescribed a sleeping aide but we're lucky if it helps any.  No matter what tricks we try he still can't get proper rest. 


Lack of sleep and loss of sleep is very common when dealing with PTSD but it is hard for someone to understand just how difficult it is unless you live it.  I have been living with this since his return in 2011 and I can assure you that I have absolutely no idea how to be the perfect wife.  But no matter how hard it is for me, I can never imagine how hard it is for him.  What he goes through and how hard it is for him I will never understand and I would never pretend to.  The mistake I see a lot of spouses make is they try to be their spouse's shrink.  In fact at first I did the same thing.  I remember when he first came home I would try to analyze him and try to "fix" him.  I quickly learned that it was the best way to hurt the marriage and drive my spouse away.  While I spent my time trying to psychoanalyze him he was distancing himself hoping to get some peace.  It has been more than a year now and I have learned to be his friend, his Allie, his support, and his wife.  I learned to leave the analyzing to the doctors. 

It is important to understand that along with the lack of sleep comes severe mood changes.  I will be honest and say that these mood changes can drive you mad.  They start off mildly irritated but settle down fairly quickly from there they become more agitated and it takes a bit longer to settle down but they do calm down then it gets worse to where they are snapping and freaking out a majority of the time and just as soon as they settle down they freak out again.  It becomes difficult to handle as they are spending a majority of time yelling at everything and everyone.  It does get hard to not lash out at them but the more you lose it the more they stay agitated.  As hard as it is the best thing you can do is stay calm find something that calms you and rely on that. 

Just remember the moves you make will affect your soldier.  Everything you do or don't do affects them.  I understand that it is a lot to take in and most of us didn't sign up for this life but as a spouse it is important to put your soldier before yourself and do what is best for them.  That is why I am starting my non profit organization....I want to provide a place where spouses can come and let loose the stresses of this life.  A place where they can find peace and hope to be better for their spouse.  That is my goal and I hope that you will join me.